(Not president, because I’m sure some dude gives less shit than I do, and I think he was working at Taco Bell last weekend. I mean, come on dude!)

I know I’ve come on here time and time again and talked about doing different shit, and apologizing for not updating enough, born mostly out of my paranoia that I needed to find a niche, any niche, no matter what, in order to focus my blog.

Yeah, I know – my blog! My fucking blog!

And to that extent, I’ve actually had one additional domain given to me to do something with, and another domain I bought – mostly because it was on sale for serious – and neither one has really inspired me with its design or purpose.

And then I stumbled across this blog, outlining the reasons why niches = bad, and personal bullshit blogs = good.

And it was sort of a revelation.

It’s my blog and I can whine if I want to.

So that decided me fairly solidly in my course of action. I’m going to just do what I do where I do it, which will be here. Logical rant against the system? Here. Sprawling analysis of Survivor? Here. Or even calling lesbians hypocritical in their sex toy usage? Monkey-fighting here, dillhole!

(I don’t mean that. Obviously you’re not a dillhole. I’m talking to that other dillhole, to your right.)

This allows me to write about whatever, whenever I want. I’ve stopped being concerned about finding a niche – apparently, I have none. I am nicheless. And I find I am fine with that. I can write random ideas out, and hopefully have the common theme be entertainment.

I can continue to update the “Argue Fu” project (now found under the above tab “The Mission”), or add stories to the growing tales of the Jones Files (now appropriately under “The Legend”). And when the occasional podcast strikes my fancy, you guessed it, it’s under “The Podcast”.

Since I’ve missed the opportunity to blog about the Oscars, the season so far of the Amazing Race and Survivor, and even going at length about Lost, I won’t bemoan the missed chances.

I have to just maintain the new mantra: “I just don’t give a shit”.

No related posts.

I understand that if you surround almost any situation with enough hype, enough flashing lights, enough people screaming, the instinctual animal response is to join in. I get that; I’m not ignorant to the way your brain works. But I gotta ask: do you actually love this biannual jock-fest, or are you sucked in by the mob mentality?

Patriotism is nice when you don’t step on other country’s toes.

I get that the Olympics represents a sort of patriotic rallying post of the most pure variety – you can root for your country in something that doesn’t belittle other countries.

I mean, war is patriotic, but we’ve all been taught that war is bad, and killing others, no matter how evil, is bad. And despite that load of crap, I can see that it makes you feel like a better person to not revel in killing other populations, as that could be seen as separating humanity, and possibly pushing racism to new heights.

I also understand how feeling good about your country for being healthier, or richer, or safer, is also seen as uncharitable, and potentially xenophobic and/or racist. You can’t hate on another country because they’re sick and poor, apparently, and you can’t be proud of your own for having moved past that.

It’s sad that the things we’re good at are all elitist.

Out of the mouths of babes?

So, what can we be proud of?

Clearly, physical accomplishment is the shorthand workaround for actual national pride. No one feels bad if one person runs faster than they can (excluding the few who are actually running around the track with said person), and it doesn’t hold as a representation of your own abilities.

But really, isn’t this a schoolyard thought process?

“I can run faster than you!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Ya-huh!”

“I’ll prove it!”

This shit barely flew while we were in school; why would it become acceptable now? These physical demonstrations of superiority are so unimportant to anything outside of the Olympic setting – how often would you need to be capable of both skiing and shooting in a real world setting? Cutbacks at the police force? Arctic assassin school?

Sure it’s hard; So is chewing through a tree. Doesn’t mean you should brag about it.

I have a certain level of respect for Olympic athletes, at least on the level of skill and training they must master. That being said, what does it say about a person who spends most of their life mastering skating around really fast in a circle? Or cross country skiing? Or, for Jebus’ sake, the fucking skeleton, which is just a human cannonball who forgot his cannon, so said “Fuck it! Ice will make me fast!” and then decided to go HEAD FIRST down a slide that has proven, at least this year, to be willing and able to kill?!?!

Sorry, got carried away.

But seriously, sports fans, whether or not something is difficult to do doesn’t mean that’s the reason to laud it. Sure, that’s the rationale behind Sir Edmund Hillary’s climb of Everest, supposedly, but thanks to him we have quite a few dead corpsicles on the slopes of that mountain.

Really, where is the line that separates the truly stupid from the heroic? There are rumours that an Olympic event being considered for addition is essentially full contact downhill skiing, with hip checking and no ski poles. Which is, as far as I’m considered, another step down the (pun-intended) slippery slope of organized athletics.

I mean, what’s next? Drunken crazy carpet races down the ski slopes while being chased by a mogul monster?

(I totally rock at that, by the way, even though I lost my carpet halfway down the hill, and basically luged on my ass the rest of the way.)

Darwin would have been ashamed.

And really, aren’t we attempting to evolve here? Which means that we nerds are supposed to be the next step? Physically frail, while more and more intelligent – isn’t that the ideal we’re shooting for? The whole reason we geeks are pasty and flabby is all the time spent pumping iron in the mind, not the gym. Why do we glorify the gladiatorial exploits of our common man, thereby encouraging them to keep on truckin’?

I know that some of this may seem like I’m bitter for not being in as good shape as these people, and maybe that’s part of it. But the other part is how holding people who can throw a stick farther than another up as the pinnacle of human achievement cheapens everything we do, on a daily basis. Because really, isn’t that less of an accomplishment than raising a child? Or writing a book? Or painting a work of art? Where are their medals, and poorly choreographed dance numbers? Where are their huge, American Idol-shattering television numbers?

It’s not a mistake that I waited until after the Olympics were over to post this. People get a weird, aggressive mindset going during the Olympics. And refusing to support your teams skating-and-rubber-circle-whacking abilities is somehow seen as unpatriotic, mostly because the person smacking the rubber was born in the same geographical and political region as you were.

I mean, there’s only so long you can watch someone brag about how long they can balance on one leg if you haven’t had a hand in making them.

Related posts:

1. A Love/Hate Relationship
2. Argue Fu: Everybody’s Gotta Hate on Hitler

1. I am starting a new blog, called Ginger Thunder!, located here. I know, I know, how can I start a second blog when I slack off so much here? Well, first off, smart guy, that’s my third blog, I’ll have you know, since I started and died with MrJones.ca. But seriously, it’s more because I have a lot of thoughts and ideas and entertaining bits to write that I don’t think fit with what I’ve tried to do with Jonsian Logic. Plus, I want to keep JL to the main topics I’ve laid out: My Argue Fu instructionals, my rants against illogic, and possibly the podcast, if I can get my set up working once we move. Ginger Thunder! will be far less structured, and more pop culture centred, allowing me to review things, bitch about TV and movies, gush about music, and be my nerdy self. It will be a geek blog, and quite honestly, I’m enough of a geek to need one. I’ll post here when I get it organized and up. It’ll be a much goofier experience, and that’s saying a lot coming from me.
2. I’ve been working on an idea for a video series of scripted rants, like the Logic Bomb, or my posts here, but filmed as a video. Again, I will update when it becomes available. I’m looking for less improv, more sharp observational humour. I like humour.
3. My rock-fueled foray into 80’s music has been on hold for a bit, as our drummer decided the time was right for fatherhood. Hopefully he’ll be back soon, because believe it or not, I’ve actually been song writing. That’s right, I’ve been rhyming and humming and everything. And although we are not the kind of band to play anywhere, y’know, out in public, hopefully the Finger Guns will put together a nice little online compilation for your listening pleasure soon enough.

Well, that’s all the Jonsian news that’s fit to print. More updates as warranted!

Related posts:

1. Jonsian Logic: Back Open For Business!
2. A Brief Word of Update

The argument … is that we, and all other animals, are machines created by our genes. Like successful Chicago gangsters, our genes have survived, in some cases for millions of years, in a highly competitive world. This entitles us to expect certain qualities in our genes. I shall argue that a predominant quality to be expected in a successful gene is ruthless selfishness. This gene selfishness will usually give rise to selfishness in individual behaviour. However, as we shall see, there are special circumstances in which a gene can achieve its own selfish goals best by fostering a limited form of altruism at the level of individual animals. ‘Special’ and ‘limited’ are important words in the last sentence. Much as we might wish to believe otherwise, universal love and the welfare of the species as a whole are concepts that simply do not make evolutionary sense.
-Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene, 1976

It is incredibly frustrating to help people with their problems in this day and age. As a man, I had to get over my natural inclinations, specifically my need to jump in and fix problems for women, or to explain away my wife’s feelings with logic. I’m told, again and again, that this isn’t an area for logical analysis, and I have come to a point where I can accept that. Sort of.

However, that being said, there is a trend that has increasingly been shoved in my face by the media, both television and movies, and repeated ad nauseum by the TV shrinks that I think needs to be addressed. It makes my scalp itch with frustration, and I would like to slap it in its silly face.

This whole “this isn’t about you” mentality.

I’m sure you’ve heard those phrases used in terse, emotional scenes in whatever soap-operatic tear jerker you watch on Thursday nights, with anger and love and frustration wrapped up together: “This isn’t about you! It’s about me! Stop trying to make it about you!”

Hrm. “Stop trying to make it about you.”

Here’s the problem with this particular scenario: the sad truth is, if it’s not about us, we honestly couldn’t give a shit. Not one flying flaming fuck. And we try – yes we do – but everything in our lives – and I mean everything – is only important in how it relates back to us.

Yes, you’ve had a bad day. And yes, you need to vent. And you think it has nothing to do with us. But quite honestly, if it didn’t, we would never listen to you drone on about it. The things that happen to you rarely impact us at all, other than by stressing you out, or putting you in a foul mood which you’ve chosen to take out on others, or even just because you’re more enjoyable to be around when you’re happy. And we can be all ears, and not insert comments, and not judge, and do everything right…and it’s still really about us, underneath it all.

All you people still believing in altruism? Good for you! You are so adorable! And you probably still have faith in the Easter Bunny, and Santa, and that somehow whining and bitching will stop “Global Warming”. Much like many of those things, altruism is just a myth. It’s an ideal to aspire to, and like perfection, it only exists as a concept. We are genetically hard-wired to care about things only in relation to how they relate to us. And we can no sooner change that then we can reach into our brains and force ourselves to like anchovies. It’s out of our hands.

But look at it this way: you are the one having a tough time of things, and it doesn’t hurt us at all, and we’re still listening to you, giving you encouragement, and backing your side.

Does it really matter why?

No related posts.

The guy who only spoke Klingon to his child.

Now, on the face of it, this is obviously a horrible parenting idea. You’ve taught your child to speak in not only a fictional, albeit fully developed, language. But you’ve also ensured that the transition to society will be awkward and much harder than any other child will experience.

But here’s the thing: it’s not quite the significant aberration it appears to be. It stands out, primarily because the language spoken is based on science fiction. And that makes it weird. But why?

Is it weird to indoctrinate your child to a set of concepts and values that are based on a fictional history? Only if you consider any religious upbringing to be weird. Christians are teaching their children that there is an Invisible Sky-Wizard who judges everything you do and will treat you accordingly.

In fact, the weird part would seem to be the fact that this Dad isn’t a Star Trek fan, who simply viewed it as an interesting scientific experiment. But even that doesn’t seem so strange, considering people try whatever experimental parenting technique is currently in vogue at the moment, without bothering to do any background reading on it, or considering the consequences. Hence, we have a whole generation of self-entitled kids who never had red pen used on their tests, to avoid hurting their self-esteem.

No, the weird part would simply be that we already consider Trekkies* to be strange outsiders. When someone decides to make their children awkward outsiders by choice, and not give the children a choice, people are outraged, even if they’ve done so themselves, because when it’s something that thousands of parents endorse, it’s not weird. It’s “good parenting”.

Hypocrites. Sadly, I can’t find the Klingon for that.

*Listen, Trekkies-who-prefer-to-be-called-Trekkers. You don’t get to choose your nickname. We are indentifying you from a safe distance, so we get to pick the name. Also, pretend I don’t watch Star Trek. It hurts my credibility in mocking Trekkies.

Related posts:

1. Fandomonium
2. My Delicious Friends
3. It’s Not Easy Being Green

Victorious warriors win first, then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.

     – Sun Tzu

Okay, so we’ve defined what an argument is; now we need to realize what our intent is in even participating in this argument. There are a few reasons that people argue. See if you can spot the one that doesn’t belong.

1. To showcase your arguing skills.
2. To make an opponent look stupid.
3. For fun.
4. To correct misinformation to those who might believe your opponent.
5. To change your opponent’s mind.

If you said the odd man out from this list was anything other than #5, I have some sad reality to drop on you. Unfortunately, arguing is not about changing someone’s mind. And if that’s why you’re arguing, I’m going to let you in on the terrible truth right from the beginning: it’s not going to happen. People are incredibly stubborn about their beliefs. Most people, quite illogically, hold their own sense of value to be equal to the information they believe.

This is, for anyone not emotionally involved in the battle, patently ridiculous.

Seriously, how easy is it in today’s society to be given wrong information? The biggest source of research for most people is Wikipedia, which practically anyone can edit. Granted, they do have a team of knowledgeable people overseeing it, but it is stupendously easy to get some horrible misinformation. And people make mistakes. People have off days. People stumble over words, or mumble, or you don’t hear them correctly. It doesn’t matter if you’re a genius, you are more than capable of storing, believing, and repeating some false information.

And that’s not even counting the commonly held misconceptions! I have repeated to people the Phil Collins/drowning myth. My wife argued heatedly with me about Ring Around the Rosie being about the Black Plague. I believed that lemmings committed suicide, that people only use 10% of their brain, or that eating turkey makes you sleepy. All without question, and repeated to anyone who asked. Guess what? All wrong.

And not to be the first to toot our own horns, but we both score fairly highly on IQ tests. Which, it turns out, don’t accurately measure intelligence.

Misinformation is rampant, but we all hate to be wrong. Because being wrong, in most of our heads, equates with being stupid. Because a smart person could never believe something that was false, even if they had absolutely no way to double check it.

See what I mean?

So don’t expect to change someone’s mind, even if you have Stephen Hawking and the ghost of Albert Einstein floating behind you. Not Stephen Hawking floating, as that wouldn’t be happening. Neither would Einstein’s ghost, of course, since ghosts aren’t real, but you get my drift.

With unproven or improvable beliefs, people get even more indignant. Because they’re banking on them being right, and in some cases, notably with religion, they’re basing their life choices on them. To tell them the thing that provides structure and meaning for their life is wrong tells them, once more, that they have no value as a person, and that they can’t possibly take care of themselves. Which again, is ridiculous.

So you won’t get a knock out punch right out of the gate, no matter how good your arguments, nor how prepared your information. People will not let go of their ideas easily, and if they will, you really don’t have an argument on your hands. You have a correction.

So argue for the right reasons.

To showcase your arguing ability is a good reason – verbal banter sharpens your mind, and you have to have great listening skills to fend off someone else’s arguments. Most people won’t appreciate your abilities, so having an audience might help. But when you find someone who appreciates a good argument, you will have found bliss.

If you don’t care about hurting the other person, and you realize they have their identity wrapped up in their opinions, by all means, make them look stupid. This is sort of a low blow, like fighting someone while they are blindfolded and tied up, but hey, sometimes it’s necessary. Remember, you’re not convincing them that they’re wrong, but you might be saving someone listening to them from spreading their misinformation.

But if you do it for fun, and to protect your listeners, and don’t care about changing your opponent’s mind, a win is as simple as others coming to your point of view, or your opponent getting frustrated and giving up. Remember, a forfeit is a loss, no matter how they’ll try to spin it afterwards. Being told that there’s no arguing with you, because nothing convinces you, is akin to a boxer saying that there’s no way to beat his opponent, because none of their blows are having an effect.

See why I like the fighter metaphors?

(Note: You can tell I enjoy using Snopes.com to dispell myths. But, like anything else, there’s is a chance that what is on there is false. It’s unlikely – they explain their methodology, but always bear in mind that information can be faulty. Which is why I favour arguing without depending on the facts, and focus more on proving my opponent wrong by what they say, and how they say it.)

Related posts:

1. Argue Fu: My Definition is This
2. How to Win Every Argument: Week 1
3. Argue Fu: Everybody’s Gotta Hate on Hitler

In the middle of sort of a huge family thing. It has kept my creative juices to a complete nil. I will be back hopefully soon with some insightful, or at least existent, content.

No related posts.

Music is my beach house
Music is my hometown
Music is my king size bed
Music’s where I meet my friends
Music is my hot hot bath
Music is my hot hot sex
Music is my back rub
My music is where I’d like you to touch

    -  CSS, “Music is my Hot, Hot Sex”

Sometimes I listen to that song, and my head explodes a little. In a good way.

So, for those of you just tuning in, or who haven’t been paying attention, I am in a band. I know, I know, it’s a total douche thing to say. “Dude, I’m in a fuckin’ BAND!” (and much throwing up of the horns. Not, like, vomiting horns. That would hurt. I mean like the hand gesture. Do Catholics throw up a halo?).

But it’s true. A while ago, a musically obsessed friend of mine got a group of his buddies together, each having a vague musical inkling, and formed a garage band. That played in his basement, because he had no garage. He was desperate to get us into full-on rock and/or roll status, mostly because his wife was clearly cheating on him with Collective Soul. True story.

I had grown up with a smidgeon of musical talent. My Dad was one of those people you want to smack who can effortlessly play any song he hears on his guitar, by ear, with no ability to read music. He would actually improvise Spanish guitar solos in the middle of playing Led Zepplin, so you can see what I mean. I never really had his ability (if it was genetic, I should point out he’s my step-father. So I didn’t get it in the blood.), and I never picked up the knack of finger-plucking. So I was a passable rhythm guitarist, and by “passable”, I mean that my friends were nice enough to not inform me of how much we all knew I sucked.

Other than that, I had played trumpet in high school, which doesn’t translate well to the rock milieu. Which I don’t know if anyone has ever referred to by those specific words, so in a way, I’m a pioneer. At least, according to my daughter’s definition, which is simply “doing something first”.

So, my music-obsessed friend made a suggestion. In much better language then I’m going to use here, he suggested I try bass guitar, because the field of bass players is strewn with half-assed guitarists who were never going to get any better.

Obviously, it was a perfect fit.

Now, I’m not that much better than I was at rhythm guitar, but the beauty of bass is that with the right song, you really don’t have to be. There’s a lot of camouflage in rock music. Provided the lead vocals and lead guitarist are decent, you tend not to notice bass fuck ups.

Shortly after that, that band broke up, because my music-obsessed friend was trying to use the band to heal his marriage, which, hey, nice try bud. But that ship had sailed, with “Gel” blaring loudly from the speakers.

And we formed a new band, which has morphed through a couple of iterations and names, and finally settled on “The Finger Guns” (Don’t click on the link, as there’s no page there yet. We just wanted to keep the domain.), which is all kinds of awesome, and once more I try to hide my bass inadequacy behind the lead guitarist, and the lead singer.

Of course, bear in mind that I am also the lead singer. Yeah, I’m a little confused on that one too.

We do have a little problem that I’m not sure how most bands overcome. Y’see, we’re a group of geek dudes who find toilet humour funny, and snicker at emo rock. So we’re finding it difficult to write original songs that aren’t flat out comedies. So far, we’ve written a song about his wife destroying Japan (“Matron of Honour”) and a thinly disguised bowling-metaphor-for-sex song (“Three Fingers Deep”). We’re working on songs about cannibalistic babies, and one simply called “Awesome Sauce”. And we improvise stuff about pubic hair and evil clowns.

Which begs the question: How the hell do guys write meaningful lyrics? Seriously? If I busted out a love song, about how beautiful and angelic my wife was, I would be laughed out of the room. And yet, rock stars write deep songs all the time. How do you stop the fucking giggles from ruining the song creation process?

And this isn’t idle speculation. Any input would be welcomed.

______________________________________________________

On a side note, I’m thinking about trying a little experiment with my other domain, MrJones.ca. Since I’m basically abandoning that blog, I thought a nice way to get some use out of it was to make it a link blog. For photos or videos or podcasts on the go, using the Posterous service. Once I get it set up, it should update in my Twitter feed, on Facebook, and everywhere else. We’ll see how it works.

Related posts:

1. My brain is a Diverse landscape.

Click on mine above to see it in all its glory, although it seems appropriate that you can clearly read the word “argument”, which I talk about way too much, and “people”, who I always complain about. Apparently, the way this generator works involves the more incidents of the word occurring, the larger size in the word cloud. Is it right that for me, “compromise” seems as large as “logic”?

Oh, and the word “Toilet” is in there as well. Capitalized. Which means I use that word, as the start of a sentence, more often than “friendship”. Which also sums me up quite well.

Related posts:

1. The Purpose of Jonsian Logic
2. Jonsian Logic: Back Open For Business!
3. The New Jonsian Logic

If you go in for an argument, take care of your temper. Your logic, if you have any, will take care of itself.

– Joseph Farrell

Part 2: Definitions

One of the most crucial things to any argument, the very framework on which it lies, is definitions. It is so easy to get lost in verbal combat, striving desperately to prove your point while undercutting your opponent’s, and the whole time being unaware that technically, you’re not even arguing about the same thing.

Easy example? I once had an argument with a friend about whether animals were self-aware. It got fairly heated, and there was quite a bit of back-and-forth, until we stumbled to a halt over a point of mine, which revealed that we actually had two very different definitions of “self-aware”. He thought of it as a metaphysical thing, about knowing your place in the universe, and I was being literal, and took it to mean knowing you were a separate entity from the other cat.

We laughed about it at the time, but we could have just as easily gotten enraged that the other person couldn’t even follow this much reasoning.

So, let’s start talking about arguing by defining it.

What is an argument? Well, the simple definition, without looking at a dictionary, would be two or more people with different information, trying to convince their opponents of the validity of their information, and that their opponent’s information is incorrect.

That seems a bit vague. My problem is that people tend to mistake arguing for other things. And maybe that’s the key, defining an argument not solely by what it is, but also by what it isn’t.

• An argument is not a debate

  Although they serve a similar purpose, namely, convincing someone else that their point of view is incorrect, the two get grouped together. But a debate is highly structured, with time limits, and specific rules on how and when to phrase your refuting of your opponent’s facts. A true argument doesn’t tell you how long to speak, or when. If you have a point halfway through your opponent’s statement, wait for a break, and then interject. Debating also involves outside scorekeepers, which diminishes an argument if it’s done as a spectator sport.

• An argument is not a fight

  Again, the two are very similar, and more people use the two terms interchangeably than any others. Here’s the difference, and it’s a simple one: emotion. A fight is what happens when two people are angry with each other. There can be personal attacks thrown in, trying to hurt the other person. Maybe that’s the most important point: hurting the opponent. An argument can be heated, of course, and quite passionate, but you should be able to walk away afterward without a harsh thought towards your opponent. They simply had misinformation, which doesn’t define them as people. That, however, does not mean an argument cannot turn into a fight. The line between argument and fight is a very thin one, and to the uninitiated, can be crossed quite easily. And usually, without the possibility for reversal.

If you are aware of what an argument should not be, it can help steer you away from it accidentally spilling over and turning in to either a debate (unlikely) or a fight (quite possible).

Remember: a person is not their beliefs. A person is their actions, and their experiences, and they should not be demeaned simply because a person gave them some poor information. Trust me, not everything in your head is accurate either. That’s one of the reasons we argue – as sort of a self diagnostic to figure out if someone else can correct our misinformation, or if it holds up under fire.

And remember that before any argument, you should always make sure you’re talking about the same thing. Unless of course, you’re not, which is a strategy we will explore at a later date.

Next time: Knowledge. Do you need it?

Related posts:

1. Argue Fu: For the Win!
2. Argue Fu: Everybody’s Gotta Hate on Hitler
3. How to Win Every Argument: Week 1