The argument … is that we, and all other animals, are machines created by our genes. Like successful Chicago gangsters, our genes have survived, in some cases for millions of years, in a highly competitive world. This entitles us to expect certain qualities in our genes. I shall argue that a predominant quality to be expected in a successful gene is ruthless selfishness. This gene selfishness will usually give rise to selfishness in individual behaviour. However, as we shall see, there are special circumstances in which a gene can achieve its own selfish goals best by fostering a limited form of altruism at the level of individual animals. ‘Special’ and ‘limited’ are important words in the last sentence. Much as we might wish to believe otherwise, universal love and the welfare of the species as a whole are concepts that simply do not make evolutionary sense.
-Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene, 1976

It is incredibly frustrating to help people with their problems in this day and age. As a man, I had to get over my natural inclinations, specifically my need to jump in and fix problems for women, or to explain away my wife’s feelings with logic. I’m told, again and again, that this isn’t an area for logical analysis, and I have come to a point where I can accept that. Sort of.

However, that being said, there is a trend that has increasingly been shoved in my face by the media, both television and movies, and repeated ad nauseum by the TV shrinks that I think needs to be addressed. It makes my scalp itch with frustration, and I would like to slap it in its silly face.

This whole “this isn’t about you” mentality.

I’m sure you’ve heard those phrases used in terse, emotional scenes in whatever soap-operatic tear jerker you watch on Thursday nights, with anger and love and frustration wrapped up together: “This isn’t about you! It’s about me! Stop trying to make it about you!”

Hrm. “Stop trying to make it about you.”

Here’s the problem with this particular scenario: the sad truth is, if it’s not about us, we honestly couldn’t give a shit. Not one flying flaming fuck. And we try – yes we do – but everything in our lives – and I mean everything – is only important in how it relates back to us.

Yes, you’ve had a bad day. And yes, you need to vent. And you think it has nothing to do with us. But quite honestly, if it didn’t, we would never listen to you drone on about it. The things that happen to you rarely impact us at all, other than by stressing you out, or putting you in a foul mood which you’ve chosen to take out on others, or even just because you’re more enjoyable to be around when you’re happy. And we can be all ears, and not insert comments, and not judge, and do everything right…and it’s still really about us, underneath it all.

All you people still believing in altruism? Good for you! You are so adorable! And you probably still have faith in the Easter Bunny, and Santa, and that somehow whining and bitching will stop “Global Warming”. Much like many of those things, altruism is just a myth. It’s an ideal to aspire to, and like perfection, it only exists as a concept. We are genetically hard-wired to care about things only in relation to how they relate to us. And we can no sooner change that then we can reach into our brains and force ourselves to like anchovies. It’s out of our hands.

But look at it this way: you are the one having a tough time of things, and it doesn’t hurt us at all, and we’re still listening to you, giving you encouragement, and backing your side.

Does it really matter why?