Posts tagged winning

Okay, so we’ve defined what an argument is; now we need to realize what our intent is in even participating in this argument. There are a few reasons that people argue. See if you can spot the one that doesn’t belong.

1. To showcase your arguing skills.
2. To make an opponent look stupid.
3. For fun.
4. To correct misinformation to those who might believe your opponent.
5. To change your opponent’s mind.

If you said the odd man out from this list was anything other than #5, I have some sad reality to drop on you. Unfortunately, arguing is not about changing someone’s mind. And if that’s why you’re arguing, I’m going to let you in on the terrible truth right from the beginning: it’s not going to happen. People are incredibly stubborn about their beliefs. Most people, quite illogically, hold their own sense of value to be equal to the information they believe.

This is, for anyone not emotionally involved in the battle, patently ridiculous.

Seriously, how easy is it in today’s society to be given wrong information? The biggest source of research for most people is Wikipedia, which practically anyone can edit. Granted, they do have a team of knowledgeable people overseeing it, but it is stupendously easy to get some horrible misinformation. And people make mistakes. People have off days. People stumble over words, or mumble, or you don’t hear them correctly. It doesn’t matter if you’re a genius, you are more than capable of storing, believing, and repeating some false information.

And that’s not even counting the commonly held misconceptions! I have repeated to people the Phil Collins/drowning myth. My wife argued heatedly with me about Ring Around the Rosie being about the Black Plague. I believed that lemmings committed suicide, that people only use 10% of their brain, or that eating turkey makes you sleepy. All without question, and repeated to anyone who asked. Guess what? All wrong.

And not to be the first to toot our own horns, but we both score fairly highly on IQ tests. Which, it turns out, don’t accurately measure intelligence.

Misinformation is rampant, but we all hate to be wrong. Because being wrong, in most of our heads, equates with being stupid. Because a smart person could never believe something that was false, even if they had absolutely no way to double check it.

See what I mean?

So don’t expect to change someone’s mind, even if you have Stephen Hawking and the ghost of Albert Einstein floating behind you. Not Stephen Hawking floating, as that wouldn’t be happening. Neither would Einstein’s ghost, of course, since ghosts aren’t real, but you get my drift.

With unproven or improvable beliefs, people get even more indignant. Because they’re banking on them being right, and in some cases, notably with religion, they’re basing their life choices on them. To tell them the thing that provides structure and meaning for their life is wrong tells them, once more, that they have no value as a person, and that they can’t possibly take care of themselves. Which again, is ridiculous.

So you won’t get a knock out punch right out of the gate, no matter how good your arguments, nor how prepared your information. People will not let go of their ideas easily, and if they will, you really don’t have an argument on your hands. You have a correction.

So argue for the right reasons.

To showcase your arguing ability is a good reason – verbal banter sharpens your mind, and you have to have great listening skills to fend off someone else’s arguments. Most people won’t appreciate your abilities, so having an audience might help. But when you find someone who appreciates a good argument, you will have found bliss.

If you don’t care about hurting the other person, and you realize they have their identity wrapped up in their opinions, by all means, make them look stupid. This is sort of a low blow, like fighting someone while they are blindfolded and tied up, but hey, sometimes it’s necessary. Remember, you’re not convincing them that they’re wrong, but you might be saving someone listening to them from spreading their misinformation.

But if you do it for fun, and to protect your listeners, and don’t care about changing your opponent’s mind, a win is as simple as others coming to your point of view, or your opponent getting frustrated and giving up. Remember, a forfeit is a loss, no matter how they’ll try to spin it afterwards. Being told that there’s no arguing with you, because nothing convinces you, is akin to a boxer saying that there’s no way to beat his opponent, because none of their blows are having an effect.

See why I like the fighter metaphors?

(Note: You can tell I enjoy using Snopes.com to dispell myths. But, like anything else, there’s is a chance that what is on there is false. It’s unlikely – they explain their methodology, but always bear in mind that information can be faulty. Which is why I favour arguing without depending on the facts, and focus more on proving my opponent wrong by what they say, and how they say it.)